I have always wanted to talk about things no one else wanted to talk about. Things that make girls giggle under covers with flashlights. When I was a girl I found myself asking everyone why they didn’t talk about this or that and challenging others to have conversations they didn’t want to have. I was born this way.
I guess I am still like that, only now I have surrounded myself with a women’s circle that is actually interested in bringing the hidden into the light to alchemize it. Women who are willing to really acknowledge the impact and the self-medicating way that we have learned to navigate our lives – in other words – the ways we have gone to sleep on ourselves and the ways we have learned to wake ourselves up through often, the same things we used to put ourselves to sleep. Hence, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll as the metaphor for what can interest us, harm us and incite our Muse to action. We are going to GET into it. Ready? It’s taboo to talk this way and my Muse requires it. (she yawns if I get too appropriate)
It is time to remove the unconscious blindfolds. When we do this we empower ourselves to go back into the mystery and darkness through choice instead of by default.
The blindfolds and scarlet letters may have been placed there by others, well meaning or not, or by our very own hands. But now we rip or cut the scarlet letter off of our own dress even thought we are the one who stitched it on. The only way to find out how these internal and personal taboos are informing and perhaps running our lives is to get the shovel of the Muse out of the garden shed and get to work. Are you ready for such an excavation and an alchemization? I cannot think of a better way to spend a life than to get conscious…and enter the mystery along the way.
She had wandered, without rule or guidance, into a moral wilderness. Her intellect and heart had their home, as it were, in desert places, where she roamed as freely as the wild Indian in his woods. The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers – stern and wild ones – and they had made her strong…” The Scarlett Letter ~Chapter XVIII
From the time I was a little girl these: words sex/drugs/rock-n-roll have ‘informed’ my story line in every single way. More on that in articles to come and conversations by other writers but for me… i.e. how a girl could go over ten years and not have an orgasm (WTF), how drugs treated as casual harmed my previous marriage, but I didn’t know it the way I needed to know it, how my desire for rock-n-roll based recklessness has gotten me into trouble, and, out of it. You know, the usual cup of tea around here at Cosmic Cowgirls. The paradox is delicious when we choose to engage with it as if in a dance – through this kind of choosing alchemy becomes available.
Our ability to transform what harms us into a thing of beauty is the work of conscious alchemy.
As the Chief of Cosmic Cowgirls one of my jobs is to generate the conversation that I hear needing to had based on the listening I do in the circles I lead. That’s a mouthfull that just means I pay attention to pulses and patterns. That is where taboo came from. I witnessed over and over that the deeper stories were still operating and running us and the usual methods for excavating them were not working – and that it was time to go deeper. And that this level of digging could not be done in isolation – we HAVE to work together on this. It is only safe together and even then it is dangerous territory.
As a community working together on the deeper stories…
We want to know what the hidden stories are that are holding us back.
We want to explore who we are not being that we could be being.
We want to work together to transform our lives from hiding to freedom.
We want to see what addictions are operating that are blinding us from self expression and authenticity.
We want to know what over-culture thought patterns are running our story that we don’t even know about….the underground demons are in need of being dug up.
The curse becomes the blessing only when we get it conscious.
For this level of inquiry and sacred work the key ingredient is personal and collective STORY. Each of our stories has these hidden secret chambers that are actually running the show only we don’t know they are, or if we do know, we often avoid them and yes they have gridlines to the collective stories. We need to dig them up and then do something with them, you cannot just call them up and then let em’ sit there or they will go dormant from view but operate on the subterranean level. SO. You up for that? Then come along with us on the journey over the next 13 moons into the terrain of taboo through Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine, and our Red Thread Circle.
THIS next cycle of our conversation is dedicated to TABOO. The taboos we create for ourselves, that culture creates for us, the ones that are running the story line of our lives without our permission. Yep I want to talk about money, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, religion, addiction, racism, judgement, belonging, shame, blood mysteries – and all at the very personal level. What it means to YOU and YOUR story. And how we can get free enough to love what we truly love, unhindered, unfettered. This way we can choose which blindfolds we place, and where. Are you with me?
This work gets very personal very fast because getting hidden things conscious has immediate impact. I had a wake up moment the other night because I have this ridiculous assumption (in need of healing) that if I really care about something, those closest to me care about it too. I had a good friend over wine and lasagna last night tell me straight out that he didn’t want to know about the things that were so uncomfortable and that I make him feel like he has to care about what I care about, but he just doesn’t. I said – WELL that is pretty f***ing obvious considering that you never tell me what YOU DO care about. And I am almost passionately yelling at him to get him to hear me about “fill in the blank hot topic of human rights that riles my activist soul”
This night I was talking about the kidnapped girls and how taboo is connected with sharing their names because they will be ostracized if they do return home – why, because they will have been raped and are damaged goods. And how insane it is that the victim becomes the one that is ostracized and that is allowed because taboos of ignorance are allowed to flourish. I told him, and I tell you now, if you don’t think the world has gone mad we have VERY little to talk about. For the first time I really told him I had no idea what he really cared about and that even though I loved him if he wasn’t willing to talk about unspeakable things I have nothing left to say. Sure I am here for the rock-n-roll but not without the heart of the matter being part of the party.
I like to look into the dark veils and see the unseen worlds – to see what is not seen and to see it differently. This is only really useful for me when I have done the work first to excavate and get conscious about what I am not seeing about who I am being. We need to gaze between particles of lace when the light is just right to get a glimpse. Muses are like that, and so is quantum physics, if you look at it directly it changes so you have to adjust your angle or you will lose the point – orgasms are like that too – too much direct pressure and you miss the point all together. Ti Klingler will be talking to us about the 1:30 in our the anatomy of orgasm.
What’s my truth you want to know. I just want to be free enough to think my own thoughts. That’s it. That is why I do this work here in the red tent. What’s yours?
Chief Laughing Cloud
Letters from the Red Thread Cafe
In Gratitude ~ I would like to THANK with all of my heart our Editor, Isabella Vickers for her amazing service to Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine. What an incredible job she has done, and has blessed our community and me, with her wisdom, wit, and organization of our writers. I also want to welcome our new Editor, Annette Wagner to the magazine, a woman I have worked with for many years, and am so grateful for in my life.
Thank you to those of you who are retiring your ‘beat’ and a welcome to the new writers for Taboo, 2014.
We are blessed so blessed to be in this community.